Limbo

7.31.2020

September 1st. That’s the answer we give when people ask when we’re leaving for our one-year mission to Granada, Spain. That’s the date we’ve been anticipating for months. It’s been our clear destination, deadline, end, and beginning.

 

Now it’s all foggy.

 

We’ve been diligent and proactive in getting our documents for our visa, starting around May and working from there. We were aware of Covid-19 and the issues it may pose for us, but we trucked on nonetheless, confident that although we saw lives being changed all around us by the pandemic, our plans weren’t going to change. September 1 was set in stone.

 

Now here we are, on the cusp of August, and we don’t have a visa appointment, we don’t have all our documents, and we don’t have any security anymore. A visa takes 2-4 weeks to process, so even if we have an appointment tomorrow, we still may not make our September 1^st goal. The hard truth of the matter is that August is seemingly full, and we may not be able to get a visa appointment at all this month. On top of that, the documents that we were so proactive in getting will expire soon, complicating this situation even more.

 

All these circumstances are what bring us to limbo: the present situation where we really don’t know what’s next. I recently quit my job, anticipating a month or so preparing for Spain, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Micah and I are currently living in the ruins of our apartment, anticipating moving in with my parents for the last month that we were supposed to have before we move to Spain. So here am I: jobless, homeless, and unsure what the future holds.

 

In the end, Covid-19 did hit us. We’ve been dodging it for so many months, pretty much untouched from its worldwide consequences, and now we’re finally in its clutches, just like everyone else on this planet.

 

But that’s exactly it. We’re not alone. We have a whole community of missionaries that are hanging in this dang limbo just like us. My in laws who work for a missionary school in the Philippines are in limbo, unsure of what the school year holds for them. Multiple missionary acquaintances are in the exact same position we’re in: in the US waiting to go overseas. Other missionaries are in their countries, but completely unsure about how to proceed through covid-related issues.

 

We’re all in this together, and that keeps me and Micah from being too self-focused and self pitying. This pandemic brought a unity that everyone can see if they look hard enough.

 

Because everyone is in limbo, whether they see that or not. We’ve always been in limbo. We never know what’s next. We never have the security of knowing whether we’ll have a job, a home, or even a life the next day. That’s precisely what’s so beautiful about that season because it’s uncovering that truth for everyone. It’s exposing this mirage of control we all thought we had.

 

God tiene el control. We are nothing, and our lives are not in our own hands. This is such an easy truth that I’ve “known” my whole life. Why is it so hard then?

 

Like so many other truths that the Bible clearly paints, we forget it hourly. What better time to remind myself hourly than in a pandemic, in limbo?

 

I know that whenever God wants us to be in Spain, that’s when we’ll be there. We already have the funds, the apartment, and the registration of classes. Our lives are ready for us there. We just need to get there, and that is completely dependent not on visa appointment availability, not on the logistics of documents, not on the mission, donors, or the consulate, but completely, 100% on God.

 

This is just the truth that I need to remind myself every minute.

 

 

Edit: The exact same day I wrote this, the consulate posted on their websites that they are now accepting visa applications via mail. This means we don’t need an appointment, and we may still be on track to go to Spain in September! Praise God for his surprising, creative goodness and provision.