like the rain

Quick update: Last Saturday I participated in the A21 walk against prostitution. It was the first one in Sevilla, which was an honor to be a part of. Even though it was pouring rain most of the walk, it was undeniably powerful. My roommate was also traveling for that weekend, so I got a lot of introvertive, reflective time inside away from the rain. Netflix also came to Spain this week, which could definitely be a means of hindering my experience here… we’ll see how that goes. Volunteering happened this week. Flamenco happened. Great conversations happened. Exams happened. Laughs, picnics, shopping, and rowing happened. We also took a field trip to Ronda on Friday, which was breathtakingly gorgeous. And that’s all the updates I have. Another fleeting week in Spain came and went.

            Now onto my jumbled, deep, crazy thoughts about my time in Spain. I’ve wanted to write a post like this for a while, but I just haven’t been able to spill it out on a document. The consistent pattering of the rain has been nagging me, and I’ve finally given in.

            Ever since I arrived in Spain, I’ve been listening to one particular song almost every single day here and meditating on it. The song is My Soul Longs for You by Misty Edwards. It’s really struck a chord with me in my personal life and just looking around me at the life being lived in Spain.

            There was a longing in my heart for this adventure months before it actually began. That longing derived from being worn down and wanting to escape my normal life to be solely with Jesus. I yearned to be on an adventure away from my comforts where the only tangible thing I could grab hold of would be God. I also wanted to get a piece of Spain, a piece of this culture and a piece of the beauty of this city. I wanted to try new things, see new things, and be challenged. I think this can all be tied together as a raw longing for the Lord: for His land, for His culture, for His beauty. He is in the midst of it all, and I know that my heart is ultimately seeking Him.

Some days, I’ve been able to address this longing in my soul and come before the Lord, just seeking His presence. Other days, I’ve just watched Netflix and screamed and covered my eyes whenever I saw a fall picture from home on Facebook.

I have most definitely reached the mid-semester slump recently, but eventually that just added more fuel to my longing: a longing for more time away, for more challenges, for more adventures, and for more God. In truth, I am even more excited for the next two months here because I reached that difficult point of missing home. My longing for God is stronger. My heart is blazing with hope and excitement for the rest of the semester.

            I don’t think my heart is the only one that has this raw longing for God.

            On the contrary, I think every single person on this planet has it, and I can see it so evidently all around me.

My soul longs for you; nothing else will do.

Walking home one day, I listened to these very words through my headphones as my gaze fell on a man that was smoking a cigarette, a commonality here in Spain. I turned my head and saw alcohol being advertised on billboards. Nothing else will do. All humans have a yearning for something higher, a fascination with seeking and experiencing. Often this longing is manifested in different ways like smoking, drinking, and experimenting with drugs and sex. But the truth still remains: nothing else will do.

            I believe you will come like the rain.

Seville is very dry, but lately it’s been raining a lot. This city frankly just isn’t built for the rain. Street gutters practically don’t exist, and most sidewalks turn into an ice-rink with the rain. It’s a city that was built expecting years of dryness.

Along with physically being dry, this place is also very spiritually dry. Evangelical churches aren’t common; in fact a lot of Spaniards find them weird and cultish. Less than 2% of this entire country is Protestant Christian. Many Spaniards profess to be Catholics, but truly are only by title. Spirit-filled churches do exist here, but I’ve been constantly surprised at how small they are. Seville is a dry city indeed.

Even through this, I can believe that the Lord will come like the rain. He will quench these dry streets. He will fill every longing. He will come like the rain. I can have this fervent hope in my heart, pray it over the people, and be encouraged every day as I walk through the streets. Maybe I won’t do anything spectacularly wonderful for the Lord while I’m here. Maybe there will still be years of spiritual dryness, but I can be confident that a change is coming. These Spaniards will know God, and they will exalt Him. He truly will come and will satisfy every soul that has been trying to seek His presence through mistaken ways.

He will come

Like the rain

So let it rain.

Home

This week, as I returned from my traveling and started recovering from my physical sickness, I got hit with a serious bout of homesickness. After multiple travels, I think it was only natural for me to be let down a little when I returned, and I was still in a foreign country, still technically traveling, and still miles from home. On top of that, I think when a body is sick, it craves to be surrounded by comforts at home.

            But what is home?

            Home is where the heart is. Home is safety and security. Home is love and comfort.

            Is home Northwestern? Is home Eden Prairie, Minnesota? Is it Calle Betis in Sevilla, España?

            Both church services that I attended this Sunday had very similar messages and themes. They both touched on the fact that church was “casa,” a safe place to be authentic and grow in the Lord. When River Valley mentioned it at the beginning of the service, I reflected briefly how both churches declared themselves homes and what a beautiful thing that was. It did indeed feel comforting to be in my home church even when I was across the world, but in that moment, it just didn’t meet the requirements to be “casa” for me. My poor sick soul was craving more comfort than the marble floor of River Valley Valencia. I wanted to wrap myself up with blankets and curl up on the warm carpet. I wanted there to be a crisp, cool wind outside. I wanted there to be orange leaves rustling softly in the trees and falling to the ground.

            I wanted Minnesota.

            Minnesota has constantly been flashing through my head this week. Apple orchards. Pumpkin patches. Colorful trees. No more dryness. No more cigarette smoke. No more elaborate old buildings. For the first time here in Spain, I frankly just wanted to return to my home state of Minnesota. The problem is I’m just so far, in the sense of distance and time before I return.

Homesickness finally took claim of me, and I finally acknowledged its existence. It was like this week I was crying out “Minnesota, I need you now! I need my home!”

            Then God spoke to me. It was an unswerving truth from the Lord that resounded in my soul:

            “I’m your home.”

Traveling: for better and for worse

In the last 9 days, I have been in 2 different countries, 7 different cities near and far around the Iberian Peninsula, 6 different beds, 2 buses, and 3 trains. I have been on the coast of the Atlantic Ocean or the "End of the World" and the coast of the Mediterranean. I've been to 4 cities in 4 days and literally had to remind myself where I was each morning when I woke up.
"I am in Toledo. I'm in a hotel room with two classmates."
"I am in Madrid in an apartment with Kenzie's friends."
"I am in Barcelona in a hostel with 7 complete strangers."
"I'm in Valencia in the River Valley's pastor's house."

The traveling adventures started last weekend when I went to Portugal with a program called Outdoor Sevilla. I mentioned before that I was craving time away from the city life, and Portugal was just the rejuvenation I needed. The little town we stayed at was on the coast, and it literally felt like we students had the whole town to ourselves. The landscape was absolutely breathtaking. I feel like beauty is so much more stunning when you’ve never seen anything like it before, and I had never seen anything like the Portugal cliffs framing the gigantic Atlantic Ocean. We were able to hike, rock climb, and surf in our time there, and I adored every moment of it. Sincerely, I think it was the best weekend of my life. Like, holy cow.

I had 3 short days back in Sevilla to quickly unpack and pack again before I left for another crazy weekend. Our school was taking an overnight excursion to Toledo on Thursday, and since we had Monday off due to a Spanish holiday, most students were traveling from Toledo to other locations. The planned agenda for my two friends and me was to leave from Toledo to Madrid where we would catch a train to Barcelona. In Barcelona, we would explore the city for the day, go to Hillsong Church the next morning, then immediately hop on a train to travel to Valencia to catch another church service. It was a weekend that I was looking forward to, but it was not the weekend I expected.

We successfully made it to Madrid, and before our next train left, we decided to meet up with Kenzie’s friend who lived right by the train station. As we were sitting in the café, I remember looking at the time compulsively, worrying that we were going to be late for our train. Little did I realize how late we actually were. It turns out instead of leaving at 6:30PM like we thought, the train had left at 6:30AM.

Oops.

We were basically screwed. Chaos ensued, but all of us kept pretty calm. We ended up staying at Kenzie’s friend’s apartment for the night, which was such a gigantic blessing because otherwise I think we might have been on the street. After much frantic searching, we found a bus for Barcelona that left the next morning and bought our tickets. As a result, we lost about 8 hours of time in Barcelona, not to mention a good amount of money on a train that left while we were peacefully sleeping in Toledo. Honestly, I felt a little responsible for the train catastrophe since I was the one that found the website we bought the tickets from, but justice was served: I was sick the entire rest of the weekend.

I don’t get sick often, but I have had some unpleasant experiences. I threw up on my desk in 2^nd grade, and since then, I’ve had a fear of throwing up in public. That fear definitely didn’t manifest itself this weekend though because I dry heaved in a gas station and the streets of Barcelona without even thinking twice. I had to do what I had to do. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t miserable though; it was. In short, I was not a well human in Barcelona, but I enjoyed the beauty of the place nonetheless.

That night, I stayed in a hostel alone. For some reason, the reservation for my original hostel wasn’t working, and by the time I got it to work, there was no space left. I was separated from Kenzie and Zoey, sick, and with 7 strangers in Barcelona. However, my experience was actually pretty enjoyable. I met some pretty cool girls from China and Brazil. I’ve always liked the idea of being the sole representative from America in a group; it just makes me feel culturally cool. 

On Sunday, I checked out of my hostel, reunited with my girls, and then went to Hillsong Barcelona. We took our seats, and the moment the music started playing, tears started streaming down my cheeks. We were finally there. It was worth it. God was worth it. He always is.

Iglesia River Valley Valencia was next. River Valley has several campuses in the Twin Cities and just two international campuses. Over the summer, I just happened to get in contact with the Valencia pastor and his wife when they visited my church campus. Can I even express how much of a blessing that was? The pastor and his wife opened up their house to us and let us stay there for the night, which was glorious. At that point in the weekend, I was exhausted from traveling and sickness, and literally every movement of my limbs was like a marathon. Even through my severe fatigue, I still enjoyed worshipping with my home church in Spain, listening to the message, meeting new people, and staying in that lovely house for the evening.
This morning, I somehow miraculously arrived safely back to Sevilla after the chaotic weekend, and currently I’m in my bed. I’ll definitely praise God for that. 

And for everything else. 


*pictures mixed up and in no order. kind of like my brain right now*

Toledo Cathedral

Hillsong Barcelona and River Valley Valencia

 Toledo

Toledo

Sagrada Familia in Barcelona

 Portugal

"End of the World" in Portugal

What I miss

For some reason, I thought that if I made a post like this, it would mean I’m homesick and complaining about my time here. I associated missing things from home with being miserable and hating life, which is most definitely not the case. To miss something means to notice the absence of something valuable. It has been such a blessing to take a step out of my regular life and be able to deeply appreciate all the beauties that fill my life in America. So with that, here is my brief list, in no particular order, of what I miss from home: both the shallow and the deep.

1.     Peanut butter.

2.     Jep the Jeep. Walking to class is so wonderful, but I just miss cruising around in my car with the windows down and the music cranked up.

3.     Nature. The ancient city of Sevilla is so beautiful, but this introvert is craving time away from the crowded streets of tourists. I’ve been having this desire that keeps flashing in my mind of taking a walk around Lake Johanna at Northwestern. Too bad it’s 4,000 miles away.

4.     A grilled chicken sandwich with provolone cheese, ketchup, and fries from the eagle’s nest.

5.     Minnesota fall! Honestly I think this is the number one thing that I miss. I want to experience that crisp, cool weather and the trees changing color. And let’s be honest, I just wanna wear a scarf and a sweatshirt without sweating profusely and breaking out in a heat rash. I’m not really loving the 90-degree weather in October.

6.     My dogs. I’ve literally been having reoccurring dreams of them, and I don’t know why.

7.     People. You know who you are.

8.     River Valley Church! I miss worshipping the Lord in English with a church that is just as freakishly crazy and passionate about Jesus as I am. Fair enough?

9.     Dorm life. Late night laughs. Movies. Christmas lights. Tea. All of it.  

Still having the best time of my life though! Besitos from Spain!