Life and God

Things are transitioning from the pristine perfect vacation to the everyday life. While the wonder and love that I have for Spain will probably never wear off, the “honeymoon stage” definitely has.

There have been many recent days where I’ve woken up and immediately thought “I don’t wanna go to school.” I’ve been procrastinating on my homework through the means of facebook. I don’t always want to talk at dinner. The street performers just don’t entertain me anymore like they did at the beginning. I still silently rebuke that stupid floating devil every time I pass by, but I don’t even look twice at the headless musicians, the bodyless heads on the table, the flamenco dancer, and the golden statue man. The excitement has waned a little, and the vacation is over. The normal life of petty frustrations, routine, and fatigue has begun.

But I’m still having the best time of my life.

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to explore Córdoba, a city near Sevilla that is packed with art, history, and beauty. The main attraction of Córdoba is the half mosque half cathedral that is absolutely breathtaking. Literally I think my mouth was open the whole time we were in there. We also got to see the beautiful Roman bridge over the river, and my friends and I explored Alcazar: a castle and gardens. When I experience a day like Córdoba, I remember exactly where I am in the world and how blessed I am to have this semester abroad.

Along with Córdoba, one of the highlights of last week was Saturday night by the river. I sat with three other girls and we prayed and had honest, authentic conversation about faith as we were surrounded by the beautiful lights of the city and even the fireworks that were exploding in the sky. It was one of those nights that just got me so amped about what the Lord is going to do this semester.

Because seriously, it already blows my mind what the Lord has revealed to me in these three short weeks.

God is present in this land. He always has been. He is also wildly present in my home of Minnesota. There is no way to extinguish the presence of God; even in the Córdoba mosque and seemingly dark places on this earth, God’s presence sings its testimony.

There is no place to run from God on earth, only to keep running to Him. Wherever I go on this planet, I will have petty frustrations and normal human fatigue, but all I ever want to do is keep running to His omniscient presence.

My love for siestas and everything Spanish

I think I’ve been in Spain long enough to have a valid generalization on the way of life here, and I am honestly in love with so many of the aspects of the culture and how this country has already changed me.

            First is the food. The food here is so fresh and definitely doesn’t have as many preservatives as the food I eat in the States. I have never been a tomato fan, but here I’ve literally eaten tomatoes straight because they are so delicious. I always feel healthy after a meal, which is such a contrast to how I feel after I have some meals in America.

            Another part of the culture that I really admire is the bluntness. Spaniards are not superficial, they do not sugarcoat things, and they are not fake. I absolutely adore that. It makes for some awkward situations when my señora tells me how rude it is to leave a towel out, but there’s such an authenticity to it. There’s no pretending or smiling at strangers, which makes their actions so much more genuine and beautiful.

            Also, my demeanor has changed so much since I’ve been here. This culture is just so laid back; it seems like people are never in a rush, and stress just doesn’t seem to exist. It’s only “no pasa nada.” Coming into this semester, I was already unusually calm, and being here has just emphasized that. Nothing fazes me anymore, and anxiety hasn’t even touched me.

            It’s also so interesting to notice myself interacting and living here. I’ve been plucked out of my usual habitat, with my friends who are the same sort of freaks that I am, and plopped into a completely foreign situation. I love how Spain just brings out people’s raw personalities because everyone is out of his or her normal element here. For me, I’m still quieter than others, I still love dancing, I still need my introvert time, and I still say ridiculous things. There’s no conforming to fit in or attempting to win people over. The Spain Hannah is the Minnesota Hannah.  

Lastly, I will mention my intense love for siestas. This is a time period that happens every day after lunch. During this time, the heat is at its peak, most shops are closed, and most Spaniards take a legitimate nap. My host family keeps telling me how Spanish I am because I have taken a nap every single day that I’ve been here. Today was actually the first day that I didn’t take a nap in Spain.

 Instead of taking a siesta today, I spent the day in Coria, where a church wanted to “adopt” us and pray for us at the beginning of our semester. It was a precious time of incredible worship, eating wonderful food, interacting with fantastic people, being prayed for, and lots of dancing. I may have missed my siesta, but it was well worth it.

Spain, you are beautiful, and I love you. Goodnight. 

making it mine

I've been in Seville, Spain for about a week, and I'm pretty sure I still have "turista" etched all over my face. As I walk to class past the massive cathedral, I try to pretend that I'm used to it, but I usually end up gaping at it with my mouth wide open every time. The gorgeous grandeur of Spain is my home now, but I don't think I will ever be able to wipe the awe off my face whenever I look around me.
I'm still in the process of making this place my home, making it mine. In my time here, I've been in constant activity and exploration; my friends and I have eaten churros con chocolate, gone dancing, gone to the park, biked to the plaza, gone on scavenger hunts and tours, had tapas by the river, and sat in adorable cafés. It's been so incredibly fun, and I don't want these things to stop. However, everybody is going to have a different experience here, and I just want a piece of Sevilla to make my own. For example, I want to get involved in a church, do Flamenco, volunteer in the city, explore more, and be able to have quiet time by the river. I want to learn, experience, have fun, and most importantly glorify and serve the Lord.
Today, I had the opportunity to practice with the worship team for the SIS program's Bible study. It is definitely not something that I would normally do, and I enjoyed it so much. After rehearsal, I walked back and stopped by the river to listen to music and watch the sunset alone. I'm excited to find myself here, to encounter my niche, get out of my comfort zone, and just live this semester to the fullest!
I want to put todo mi ser into this experience and wait to see what the Lord has in store.
This place is full of adventure, antique beauty, vibrant color, and exquisite culture, but in the end, it all centers back to one thing: God. And that is what my heart is longing for.

Belleza

Mi primer día en España fue llenado de belleza.

Belleza. Beauty.

There was beauty in the chaos of lugging over 50 pounds of suitcases around Madrid and being able to laugh, smile, and be untouched by the anxiety of the situation.

There was beauty in the moment of my roommate and I being brought to our host home in the taxi and realizing the reality of a semester abroad.

There was beauty in the first meal shared with our señora, feeling awkward and timid.

There was beauty in that heavenly siesta.

There was beauty in walking around Sevilla and seeing the gorgeous Spanish-speaking locals that livened the cobble-stoned streets on a Tuesday night.

There was definite beauty in absorbing the scenery: ageless buildings, the beautiful river, and the sunset.

There was beauty in dinner, where I sat with five individuals I had just met from three different cultures and bonded over speaking Spanish, learning and listening to Italian, and teaching English words.

Finally, there was beauty sitting in my bed with the window open, letting in the breeze and belleza of Sevilla, my home for the next 3 and a half months.

Be still

This week, some of my close friends had a “surprise” (I knew about it) going-away dinner for me. We went to an authentic Latin American restaurant and then walked around the streets of Minneapolis. It was a fantastic evening, and I appreciated it. At the end of the night, I was struck with an odd conclusion. My friends are wonderful people, and I cherish them so much, but I know I’m equipped to be without them in Spain. Of course, I will have my moments of missing them; that’s inevitable. But it’s my time to leave. I know the best thing for me right now is to get away and have the Lord work on my heart and growth in Spain so that when I return, I can be an even better peer and friend to my betters. Going back to campus just isn’t right at this particular time. God’s perfect timing says it’s time for me to leave.  

            He is sovereign, and I can be still in that truth.

            Honestly though, this afternoon I was feeling a small uneasiness about Spain. I realize this is only a natural reaction to an upcoming study abroad, but it’s been a rarity for me lately. I was with a friend browsing through an adorable little hipster shop, and I stopped when I saw a few pendants laid out that had different maps inside them. I pointed them out to my friend, examined them as a whole briefly, then at random picked one up without even looking at it.
          The pendant was a map of Spain and Portugal.
          The uneasiness melted away. I clasped the pendant tightly in my palm and nodded silently at the Lord’s sovereignty. Such a small moment in my day, but what a reminder?

            Those moments aren’t by accident. God was active in that second with the pendant, and truly, He is present in every single situation on earth: big or small.

            I’m trying to pack. My suitcase is way too small for all that I want to bring. In even an unimportant matter like this, God is wildly present. I know I don’t have to worry because He is sovereign over everything.

His guiding hand is like the wind or breath, weaving through every single gigantic and trivial moment under the sun. There is nothing out of His control: not time, packing difficulties, conversations, traveling, sickness, nor wars. There is a peace that substantiates in all the turmoil and chaos. There is a stillness where we can know that He is God, and He will be exalted in the earth and in the Heavens. He is not afraid of the minor dilemmas or the seemingly evil in this world. For He, all that is good and perfect, will be lifted up and exalted. There is nothing truer than that truth.

            He is indeed sovereign; we just need to be still. 

            Psalm 46

Excitement, stress, and preparation

            I have a confession to make: I got scared. We received our host families and living arrangements for Spain last week, and I assumed that this would be the point where my excitement would triple over in heaps of uncontainable anticipation. Instead, a wave of fear crashed over me at the thought of living with complete strangers in an unfamiliar country with another language.

            But the fear only lasted a moment.

            In my moment of weakness, I let the fear fill me up until I fell apart, then it vanished instantly afterwards. That was it. It hasn’t come back.
           But the excitement has indeed tripled.

            I have a clearer picture of what my life in the next few months will look like now. I will live right on the river and right above the restaurant that my host family owns. Every day I will wake up and walk or bike 2.5 miles to school, passing cathedrals, parks, brightly colored buildings, and palm trees along the way. With 25 days left before departure, the excitement is so evident in my demeanor. I try to mask it (I don’t want to seem too overjoyed in front of the people that I’m leaving), but I just can’t. I dance. I squeal. I freak out. My nanny kid laughs at me. My parents stare weirdly at me. My friends eye me enviously. Who cares? I am so excited!

            In a way, I think the Lord has over-prepared my heart. For Spain, I have nothing but excitement and peace; I’m ready to go. For these next 25 days? Stress and weariness. I’ll have my bursts of deranged excitement, but then the current petty vexations of my daily life cloud my vision. There are too many preparations. There are too many people I have to see. There are just too many days to wait.

            How odd though. There’s an uneasiness and overwhelmed state of mind about the period of familiarity and comfort and not about the avalanche of the unknown and adventure.

            Basically, I just can’t wait, and I’m stressed about waiting.

            Maybe that will change, and the fear will roar inside me again and not leave this time. Maybe I’ll start to cling onto this familiar life so tightly that I’ll be terrified about leaving. Maybe I’ll have to cancel the flight and cancel the trip because my anxiety will be too severe.

            Probably not though.

            I’ll keep updates coming just in case.